Undiscovered Moments

The Tumbling (Poem)

2011-09-13T09:26:00.001-05:00

I'm breaking down, not hesitant,
but I can be so resistant.
while you remain most persistent
within my heart and in my soul.
I'm the river and you're the stone.
I'll wear you down until you've shown
the worst in yourself, tooth and bone.
then marvel at how we can grow.
love's not perfect, but always there
in every strand of my brown hair.
I try to tell you how I care,
my current's not gentle but rough.
I know I always act too tough,
don't blame you when you get too gruff.
my water is so crystal clear
there's nothing better when you're near
because you erase all my fears.
I'll seek your edges, sooth your lines.
this river's flow will let you find
all your faults, but make you shine.
I'll run my course, take you with me
to a warm, deep lake or to the sea
a calm and pleasant place to be.
when we can get past everything
and we both know it's not a fling,
we can have that happy ending.

That Doctor Lies

2011-07-19T12:45:00.001-05:00

I'm not mad, I'm just insane
to ever let you in my brain .
I can't explain the things I feel,
like your image, it can't be real.
I try to push you out, you're stuck
in my head my mind's like muck.
My thoughts are muddy and you think it's funny
that I can't let go you.
I try to get away from you
you can't be good for me, don't you see
why I can't keep friends? It's me!
I supposed to take these drugs
so I can have real friends,
but I won't bend, it's too much to miss
a fucking pill and feel like shit.
I'm not an addict, don't want to feel like one
don't want it, it's not fun.
Maybe I'll boil 'em, nope just throw them in the toilet.
Dumped the whole bottle, watch it spin.
Now it's back to rum and gin.
Here we go, two weeks of nausia,
vomitting and then because I'm
not supposed to see the bright side
I'll just bottle up and hide.
But I'm afraid of losing
you as much I am of the of the damn booze.
Can't stop touching it, crushing you,
I'm in love it's true.
It's ridiculous the things I think I'd do for you.
And it's all a dream, I can't really be that mean.
I'm embarrassing me, keep harrassing you.
I'll trade one addiction for another
watch me turn into my mother.
It's the pills or the booze
doesn't matter what I choose it's all the same
I'm so tired of this game but I'm stuck
and outta luck when it comes to men
'cause no man can make me happy in the end.

Keeping Friends at Bay

2011-07-19T11:53:00.000-05:00

fickle friendships
can't describe it.
I'm never there
and don't seem to care.

can't get too close
or I'll be a host
for things I'm not
prepared to share.

I turn back afraid
even tho you offer aid
because god forbid
you think I've sinned.

you can't break a heart
I've already torn apart.
please ignore this
desperate bid.

keep it away
so I don't have to pay
for getting stuck
in all that mud
gunking up my mind.

Can't I?

2011-07-18T16:29:00.003-05:00

I'm
all I am.
I'm
in love,
in a dream.
I'm your lady and your life.

I'm the song
stuck in your head,
a patient angel.

I'm
forever loyal.
I'm
your dog of a wife,
mistreated,
too good to leave
or forget.

I'm
alone.
I'm
the bearer of your burdens,
your money queen,
sugar-sweet.

I'm
everything.
I'm
all you want,
ever want,
forever.
Can't leave that.

Money or Beliefs (Lyrics)

2008-12-08T15:26:00.002-06:00

Somehow ended up on the wrong side
when I sought to take care of things.
Came to find an ends to meet with.
Found my life's been lacking
all that makes yours right.

Somehow ended up on your wrong side
when I started working my new job.
Came to see that loves not the start.
Found your heart too slow to move.
It all comes down to recurring
weakness.

Below You

2008-12-02T16:26:00.002-06:00

Taken out from under,
pulled aside with love,
you've not taken me for granted,
but sunk my body into sand.
No appology can mend,
save for two bottles of
the cheapest gin,
the slowness you've caused my heart.

Reality is Weak (Poem)

2008-10-24T15:32:00.003-05:00

Those are years you're counting now.
The span of so many days...
One year ago I moved our rock,
afraid of what I might have said.
I went to the shore
to find a dying starfish.
Not as soft as you think.
Stoney and rough,
his legs didn't catch the sun.
I don't sing a song
for things past dead.
But I felt like bothering this.

Falling Short (Poem)

2008-10-17T11:20:00.004-05:00

Can't say I'm ever fighting,
always dying for the word,
coming down hard as snow,
reaching out in blindness.
The plastic people
eat from paper plates.
It's income disposable,
and throw-away friends.
Everyone just wants
a safe place to sleep.
Suburbs aren't affordable.
It's a pricey condo in
a nice neighborhood,
a downtown dumpster
in a shitty alley.
Money only buys you
more short-comings.
And those will always
bring you home.

Relational Entirety (Lyrics)

2008-10-09T14:36:00.004-05:00

I can't afford this traffic jam
and all the fees it has incurred.
I can't afford to lose something
not yet accomplished.
There's things I haven't washed
in longer than a year.
There are lies left untold
because I've grown out of fears.
We're talking about shades of grey
that don't exist for normal folks.
Hypothetical love affairs...
we'll both miss out.
One good thing's left of this mess:
Still can't say "I love you"
with my face on straight.
I'll take a drink tonight in three,
just to take the edge off your glare
'cause I can't look in your direction
despite your lovely face.
The lies that melt in your mouth,
like homemade cotton candy,
leave scars across my chest
in every new direction.
I still smile when I say it.
I still mean what I say.
We're still worth every kiss,
and love should always come first.

Debts Unplanned (Poem)

2008-10-09T12:37:00.003-05:00

Tonight as I come out of the E.R.
I was gonna run to your arms,
If I hadn't died in that transfer.
Don't be angry.
It wasn't planned this way.
There was no grand design at play.
You believe in what you're told,
and I'm telling you I won't grow old.
And yes I have a soul.
But it's not what has to happen
that dictates when we're saddened.
It's mortality and accidents.

Don't Feel the Cold (Poem)

2008-10-02T15:21:00.002-05:00

You know this jacket's just for show
'cause I can't feel the icy glare
your eyes cast around so easily
after all you've put us through.

Since Yesterday (Lyrics)

2008-09-17T09:36:00.003-05:00

I brush my hand
on your sleeping shoulder.
Blankets move
and Love awakes.
Slow motion takes over
and it's like a
perfect movie moment.
But short-term memories
are never quite
what they used to be.
You're not really here.
You're in another state.
A thousand miles away
probably chasing out
some cash.
I miss you since yesterday.

Light Disorders (Lyrics)

2008-09-17T09:26:00.002-05:00

Creeping over the edge
each morning with the sunlight.
Seeping into every crack
never failing to light your day.
It's a thirst that's never quenched
so I keep my drinking all the while.
When I think it's gone away...

A slap in the face
from a silver tray.
It takes hold and runs.
Heartbeat.
Breathe.
Spin, spin, spin and run.

Falling out of bed
I keep thinking this ends today.
Can't finish what you start
when the devil's always in the way.
The logic's not around
during bouts of sweat and chills.
Right before I leave...

A slap in the face
from a silver tray.
It takes hold and runs.
Heartbeat.
Breathe.
Spin, spin, spin and run.

I'm Not Playing This Game (Lyrics)

2008-09-10T12:58:00.010-05:00

Decisions are in.

Anxiety's up.

A heartbeat's for fools.

I'm not making excuses

for talk I don't own.

Believe anyone.

Holding the knives,

the gossip queen,

drama king,

friends when time was new,

they have your vision.

Lend an ear?

No, given away.

Paid off for lies.

Traded in poor faith.

I'm not making excuses

for talk I don't own.

Don't talk to me.

Go to your sources,

your trusted bros.

They know me

better than you.

A full 5 months,

3 dog years, right?

Yeah, they know

the things I really mean,

that I have no

good intentions.

Spiteful bitch.

Manipulative.

I'm filling the machine.

Coating candies

with sweet lies.

I'm not making excuses

for talk I don't own.

I don't care what they say,

but I'm cut

by how easily

you believe.

Paranoia's slick.

Your friends will tell you:

Watch out for girls,

especially your own,

whoever she is.

I'm not making excuses

for talk I don't own.

Tired of prying,

at what someone else's said.

You're mad but

I'm not making excuses

for talk I don't own.

Running Out the Lines (Poem)

2008-09-04T09:00:00.006-05:00

I think I'm sick of this corporate old,
maybe I've gotta stop doing what I'm told.
Predictability is on the rise
so I got my hands on some pesticide,
ready to take things into my own hands.
Gonna make a scene burning these suit pants.

I'm dying my hair and painting my nails.
I'm changing my clothes and lifting these pails.
About to give up on making my rent,
give up my dog, look into buying a tent.
Freedom's not a game you play by someone else's rules.
You can shake your head while calling me the fool.

Nervous Girl (Poem)

2008-09-03T08:41:00.004-05:00

My embarrassment drops
to the pavement,
explodes in every new direction.
The pieces catch
in the early morning sun.
They'll stay there
on the street all day long.
My heart quickens,
stomach churns,
and dread wells up inside of me.
It seeps out my nose
mouth and eyes,
the tips of my fingers.
My every movement betrays.

This is the Day I Die (I Work For Corporate America) (Poem)

2008-09-02T08:16:00.006-05:00

Silence speaks my name,
calls out for my surrender.
Life slips between these cracks.
Skies are black and blue,
bruised by storm clouds
who've been rallied by the wind.
This world swallowed the sun.
Here is my end of days,
where this secret burns
inside my darkened heart.
It's brightness is not what's good,
the mark of all that's wrong.
Will I save the world this way?
Walking the pavement
of downtown a.m.
Where every face is blank,
every life, somewhere else.
I slip between them like a ghost,
they don't even notice.
Faces float through the streets
on bodies that I can't see.
I'm in a place between worlds,
a self-induced trance?
It's an overwhelming sadness
that I can't explain.
No fear has found me yet,
no wrath has claimed my heart.
This secret burns the brightest
outside square office buildings.
Pavement opens up below
and pulls my ankles down.
I reach for help, the faces pass.
A dirty beard.
Broken nails.
The homeless look for me.
I'm not pulled out,
I keep falling down.
"Those who lose their way can't stay"
His face burns into the black
and we float towards another day,
another form of incomplete.
My world was never real.
It was never fake.
Real to me but no one else,
fake to them but not myself.
Burning brightness in the void,
the secret of love unfolds,
its fury flowing through me.
My world's consumed by day-lit night.
I work for Corporate America.
I'm already dead.

I Don't Want to Remember You (Poem)

2008-08-29T11:15:00.004-05:00

Someday when you feel right
I'll sit down and we can talk
and you can get up and walk away.
It's not what I was gonna say
that makes your mood begin to rot.
It's honesty that gets your feet to moving,
like you've been put on the spot
even though there's nothing now
that you need to prove.
You can drop me off at the exit here.
It doesn't matter what comes next,
I don't plan to let you in again.
A one-way ticket's all I need.
Let me forget you didn't budge.
I don't want these memories of our love.

An Evening With Mae (Lyrics)

2008-08-19T15:22:00.005-05:00

The things you say are
nothing like what you
say you mean.
We're all supposed to believe
you planned to live
this underpriviledged life.

I'll tell you everything I see
in this shitty cup
of your best black coffee:

...But I guess you already know everything
I'm ever
gonna say...
about your growing plants,
your paper bills,
cheddar cheese, and prozak pills.

You can end it here
before I key your hood
of that piece of shit
you claim not to live in.

Paper Pamphlets (Lyrics)

2008-08-13T16:25:00.005-05:00

Is that you
staring me down
in the back alleyway?

Is that you
coming round the
corner of the store door?

Was it you
who took my heart
and left it lonely
on the sidewalk...

Like a God-fearing
pamphlet.
Like spiritual
propaganda.

Is it you
who's lost her faith
in what they called
our love?

Took A Chance (Lyrics)

2008-08-12T08:23:00.005-05:00

I saw you in the viewing room
of my girlfriend's
summer home.
She said you liked
tomatoes,
but only while they're red.
You caught my eye with
heartstrings pulling tight.

Me I'm just a gamble,
a bet you'd like to win.
Maybe here I'll stay,
maybe it's the way.

You met me at an age
when I was more than
just naive.
Older than a tree,
but trees have
imortality.
The way you say your mind
all the time...

Me I'm just a gamble,
a bet you cannot win.
This is where I'll stay.
In the way.

There's a girl who says
a tulip's not a flower nor a
ventricle a heart.
We've argued over coffee
and picked each other clean.
Ripping skin from bone
like fried chicken
from a plate.

Me I was a gamble,
now a debt you've gotta pay.
This is where I stay.
In your way.

This is where I stay.
In your way.

Counting Days (Poem)

2008-08-11T16:19:00.003-05:00

Sounds of home...
electric fences,
summer breezes.
Where are they now?
telephone wires,
carwash flyers...
Grass grows in the cracks
between every piece
of cement,
in the city where drugs are free
and liberty costs more
money.

Final Decision (Poem)

2008-07-29T10:52:00.003-05:00

From all the trees drop
leaves of somber tears
of light-colored rain
and fresh scents of fear.

Committed to fall
from the tall buildings
built on stones from love's
final re-fueling.

Good Intentions (Poem)

2008-07-24T09:40:00.002-05:00

teapot:
black and elegant,
iron and sturdy,
always there for me.
handle hot
ready to sear.
I protect my skin
with cloth for when I want to lift it.
Pour some tea,
have a sip.
Burnt my tongue instead of lip.

Free to Fuck With Me (Poem)

2008-07-24T09:26:00.003-05:00

No one....
hurts me like you do.
No one else....
causes so much pain.
My only one....
that's you, my love.

Jerk me left to right.
Throw me up and down.
Tell me different
every day.
Tell me things to make me fall.
....things to pick me up.
Go back on spoken word.
Fall through on plans you've made.
Be there when you're not needed.
Be there when you
feel like staying.

You don't love me.
You don't know what to do with me.
And I don't know how to go without.
Just keep pissing on me.
It's always something
I've done wrong.
You're never who's at fault.
I'm not out to get you,
I just want to feel loved too.

Back and Forth, Sober and Drunk (Lyrics)

2008-07-24T09:01:00.003-05:00

a friend
a lover
loyal and true
"I always want to be with you"
sober and alert
a mind made up.

a mind
fucked up
"leave me alone"
"I'm not worth the love you give me"
drunk and in a stupor
"you can't trust me."

just leave
just please
leave me tonight
I don't want to fight anymore
tell me you're done with me
don't wait to see.

baby
you say
"I love you too"
"I love you every day"
"Girl, you're my only one"
forget last night.

God Once Stole A Love From Me (Poem)

2008-07-24T08:47:00.003-05:00

She's got eyes like broken blue glass
and in them a pain that seems to last,
but she's got talent like a black belt
and a heart as sharp as felt.
A love I couldn't keep
she left for out of state.
I thought she might come back again
but she stayed in Connecticut.
I used to write her letters
I used to think I was better
than what she said I was.
She told me she left because
I couldn't trust in God.

Bitch Burning (Poem)

2008-07-23T13:01:00.005-05:00

You've got me cornered and alone.
No one can touch you on your throne.
All our friends will take up your cause
and leave me frozen without pause.
Their loyalty's been sworn to you
even after all we've been through.
I'm searching the room for a shining knight
but all I find is our most recent fight.
Everyone sees the light on your side,
and I'm the one too full of pride.
Convinced your cause is true and noble,
you break me down and watch me fumble
with my words through all my tears,
while you accentuate my fears.
You've been cruel to me and don't deserve
the love I've given that's not returned.
Will I turn and walk out the doors?
Will I stay and beg you from the floor?
Do I choose freedom and isolation?
Do I choose to stay in trepidation?
Here standing in your court
I've not much happiness in report.
But you're the only thing I've got,
All your friends and the things I'm not.
I've got nowhere else to turn
So light me up and watch me burn.

So Speak Outside the Riddles (Poem)

2008-07-22T15:11:00.002-05:00

I'm tired of silent temper tantrums
based on the phases of the moon.
This stepping on amendments
has me filling up my glass with rum.
I get the feeling you think my freedom's worthless
'cause it's all about your insecurities.
I'm far past being sorry to impress,
just say when you're ready to be free of me.

At least I'm honest,

the same can't be said of you.

I say call your anger back from protest
look me in the face and tell me why so red and blue,
why you've quietly brushed my hand away.
Why do you let your anger stew?
You think you want to make me pay.
Pay for what? I'll pull my pockets inside out,
show there's nothing else to give,
all your problems are due to doubt.

These aren't my issues we need to talk about.

Where Is Your Fear Born? (Poem)

2008-07-22T10:07:00.004-05:00

There's a world that your reltatives have all seen
because they've worn that shirt with the blue floral print,
and drank from glasses rimmed in oil.
It's an island where you'll never be
'cause you refuse to let things go,
the things that don't really matter
all keep you from getting on the boat.
You see the bones behind each face
like they're trying to kill your liberty.
When someone offers you a hand
you slash it with your blade and scream
"You can't tell me what to do or who I am!"

Silent Treatment (Poem)

2008-07-22T09:39:00.002-05:00

Think your madness has no concern?
Think there's nothing I could learn?
It's a matter of interest on my part
the day I find your knife through my heart.
Am I so sick you can't spare a touch?
Even though you've promised you love me much?
You keep on your nothing
even with me begging
for the answers hidden in your silence,
for some way to find my penance.
What sin have I wronged you with?
That you can't acknowledge I still live?

Abandoned and Confused (Poem)

2008-07-22T09:33:00.003-05:00

A vase with no flowers
passed out on the loveseat.
Words that aren't sober
stumble empty to the ground.
A face without appology
melts back out the door.
Two different people
comb the hair of whom I love.

Lightweight (Poem)

2008-07-21T19:06:00.003-05:00

When making love becomes your best friend,
and you can't bring yourself to go to bed
without a bottle in your hand
let me know and I'll come take care of it
untie your shoes and keep you company for the night
slip your shirt off over your head
and put you gently down to bed.
Ever on my last chance with you,
walking on eggshells come unglued,
I never know what you want from me
so until you ask I'll let you be.

Bringing Up the Past (Poem)

2008-07-21T09:42:00.002-05:00

Artifacts from old days,
from something long expired.
That day we spent in the mountains,
we began to fight towards our own end.

An arrowhead from June,
saw it shining in the frost
but couldn't leave it well alone.
I've broke your skin with its sharp edge.

Trudging through the river,
found a glint of shining gold.
Bent down into the murky water.
What was beautiful has now been fowled.

Treasures from long ago,
lights at ends of tunnels
still lighting our way home
and fucking up our goals.

Sometime Before Sunrise (Poem)

2008-07-14T09:49:00.003-05:00

In the pre-dawn light
everything's a soft blue.
The distant hum of
weightless traffic below
seeps thru my apartment window.
An accidental brush against
your empty pillow
stirs the fact again
that you're still awake somewhere,
still cuddling your drink, I'm sure.

Whirlwind Love's Not Meant To Last (Poem)

2008-07-10T11:22:00.003-05:00

Traveling from town to town
looking for someone I can let down again
looking for a bed that will let me sleep in.
A girl with a map, her whole life planned out
and now it's gone and turned around.
Her map flew out the window on her car ride home.
I've seen her at the truck stops
watched her while she bought pop and chips
and made her wonder if I was stalking her.
We met face to face in Vegas.
I drew her a new map whose ink won't fade
or bleed to the edges and scare her away.
But she's not the kind to be kept
and every night she wept I felt my heart would burst
and finally, one night I had to pick up the phone
and call her a hearse.
Now I'm travelling from town to town
looking for someone to let down... again.

Clear Plastic Party Cups (Lyrics)

2008-07-10T10:57:00.003-05:00

Tried a lot of different paths
But none of them had what it takes to last.
I can fit my whole life in this plastic cup
I'll stare right through it before I drink it up
And when every last drop is gone
My heart starts to tick like a bomb.
Because every other love I've had
Has left me feeling more than sad.
They are all too willing to commit
It's why I'm stuck, I'm a sucker for that bit.
I believe love is what the heart is for
But I know that's what filled my cup before.

Less Responsibility (Poem)

2008-07-09T10:14:00.003-05:00

I'm made up of shiny things
But I'm already all I ever have to be.
I don't need all this glitter,
or to work until I get splinters.
Diamonds don't make me happy,
and pearls don't make me glow.
all of this, all it does
is make me feel like a gypsy.
I work within a corporation,
and have for my whole life...
Except for that first job I had
in a mom-and-pop coffee shop.
I'd take my sketchbook to work.
my partner, an old wooden stool,
and I wore blue jeans and sweatshirts.
No glitter or glamour,
no pinstripes or blazers.
Just paintings and coffee,
and folks who paid real money.
No cards made of plastic
or people who were frantic.
Just me, a steam wand,
and espresso machines.

Waiting For Disappointment (Lyrics)

2008-07-09T09:11:00.005-05:00

I hope that crease in your face
doesn't stay that way
'Cause I can see when you're bent
to the end of it until you're ready to spit
in the mouth of anyone who's about
to take away your rights.

Disappointment stalks you through your years.
Keep fighting and tear up those hearts.
I'm tired of waiting on you.

And that hat you've been trying to knit,
well it just doesn't exist.
And that novel you've been meaning
to write never comes out right.
These are your regrets even though
you think nobody knows your secrets.

Disappointment stalks you through your years.
Keep fighting off that broken heart.
You'll be tired of waiting soon.

You've got to plan more than intend
when it comes to finding your home.
I know that failure can't also be your pleasure.
But you keep trying to push that pin in
but if it goes any deeper you won't be able to keep her.
She's scared and unprepared to bleed 'cause you can't see.

You scream Rebel, Stand up, Don't sell out!
That attitude has you glued to the floor all the more.
Just keep fighting back those tears.
Disappointment stalks you through your years.
No one's trying to cage your heart.
I've got a list of other things to do.
No one's out to get you.
I'm tired of waiting...

Sever the Suburbs (Lyrics)

2008-07-07T14:32:00.002-05:00

The words mean more to you than I do.
Marry a sad girl so you can mold her how you like.
Isn't that how you said it? That I'd get over it?
And be your little suburban housewife,
mother to your sons.
Bake your fucking bread, and butter it for you too.
Then when you hear I'm unhappy,
you brush it off like a joke in poor taste.
Go ahead, let the pressure build.
I'll sever you like a limb.
I'm not as weak as you think I am.

Your Freedom From Me, Your Freedom With Me (Lyrics)

2008-07-07T10:00:00.008-05:00

I'll have two drinks and you'll have three.
We'll watch the brilliant sky tonight
Because it's the 4th of July,
And everyone's gonna love it.

The patio at the hotel
gives us seats to three firework shows.
My roommate she gets us cheap drinks,
poors me too much to drink too soon.

I tell you this is my family,
you, me, and these three others too.
We're all watching the ferris wheel
even through all the explosions.

Another bar, another light
to celebrate your freedom from me.
But you whisper now you're ready
and you know I won't tie you down.

I never minded all your fears,
you've made me smile so much sooner.
It's unexpected and I'm drunk
but I am looking at our hands.

The bartender is Mrs. Bone,
I can't remember her first name.
Fuck Billy Joel and his piano.
Kyle plays another song for you.

Air guitar in hand you play along
while we all smile and drink again.
Illegal pops and bangs go off
out the back door, over the fence.

The lights dim and we're at the car
with a cigarette in your hand,
and my hand still in your other.
You take me home safely to bed.

Wonder Nights (Lyrics)

2008-07-02T10:20:00.003-05:00

There are certain songs
that choke me up
and I've been listening
to all of them
all too recently.

My chest is tight,
my stomach in knots,
and I can barely breathe.
I haven't seen you in a week.
I wonder about it.

When you said
your last goodbye,
did you mean it for a while?
I don't know
but now I'm alone.

I'm turning sheets
companionless,
waiting for the phone to ring.
It's these long nights
that keep me up.

I wonder.

Heart of Spades (Lyrics)

2008-07-01T15:16:00.007-05:00

Those plastic playing cards
all stand for what you are,
each one a symbol of another
and I keep asking why I bother.

You've played that hand before.
That consequence had you floored.
Turn your feet around and walk
'cause I'm not about to hear you talk.

Games you say
you hate to play
become the everyday
occurrance.
Sitting on the terrace
you bring your King of Hearts from Paris.

The hand-painted face so perfect,
his eyes have me frightened you'll reject
my pleas for a fairly dealt hand
while I listen to your Joker's band.

I admit your rules ellude me
and that I've never been this free,
But you have to listen too.
I have a bottle to let loose.

Games you say
you hate to play
become the everyday
mundane.
I'll be your Heart of Spades
If you promise you won't let this fade.

Lifetime Complications (Poem)

2008-06-30T12:01:00.010-05:00

I had lost my tongue
somewhere beyond the train tracks.
You found it among
the rusted nails and pallet jacks.
Yours is the last face
I saw while leaving the city.
I'm out of that place,
and not looking for your pitty.
I thought you'd come too,
but found your heart too shy to speak.
Now I say I'm through
trying to make you less than meak.
I won't be alone.
I'll share myself with another.
I'm going back home.
And no it's not your brother.
Leaving the sparrows
behind at the river banks
in a car borrowed
from a mom given no thanks.
Walking down the drive
I kick sand in front of stars.
He knows I'm alive
and with him I may go far.
We talk of the night sky,
of all the constallations.
Forgot to be shy
and stirred up complications.

Jitters (Poem - scrap)

2008-06-27T17:17:00.002-05:00

Anxious,
jumpy,
fidgetting,
nausia...
standing on the edge.,,
that moment before,
just before
the explosion of whatever it is that's been welling up inside me these past three days.

A void,
an empty shell,,
hollowed selfthat grows relentlessly.
restless
twitching
nervous stomach.
toes on knifepoint,
waiting for the leap to be made before the skin's torn by tip.

What is it?
scratching
seeping seething
and tearing
through the cracks.
Turn to look,,.
no one's there.
spin around
but the corner eye plays it's tricks 'cause no one's there for me to find.

15 Hours And You're Mine (Lyrics - scrap)

2008-06-26T09:04:00.015-05:00

Give me just one day,
That's all I'll need,
'Cause time's my trusty steed.
Give me just an hour
And I'll light up your eyes
make you break that knot you've tied.

I'll wrap my arms
Around your neck
And call your heart my own.

And so it is
That you'll be mine
You'll thank me that I've found the time.
I will not lie
And I won't lead you on
You know what kind of girl I am.

I made you no
quick promise
But you're head over heels in love.

You're head
over heels
Because I aim to please.
All it took was
one free kiss
That's the chance I didn't miss.

You've asked for my hand
Which I shyly declined
I will break your heart heart three times.

I will steal it fast,
but love it true.
By morning I'll be done with you.
I'll take it with me,
Lose it on the train.
Isn't that why you were afraid?

You've been used,
Almost forgotten.
At least I never led you on.

Darkened Hero (Lyrics)

2008-06-17T13:30:00.004-05:00

Her darkened hero
with his blackened eyes
rushes to her rescue
to remove her ties.
With his sword he swipes
at the tethers that hold her.
To save her life
he doesn't catch her
but fights her demons
fights up a mound
she falls and stumbles
stuck on the ground.
Her eyes are wide
but her fury burns bright
and she raises the strength
to get up and fight.
His corner eye catches
turns his blade for her to meet.
This darkened hero aflame
betrayal looks for her defeat.
She spins and twirls
and gets away
but eventually
she finds the blade.
Her dance is over
she's the victim
and she knows
that she should hate him.
But he's her hero
no matter the crime.
If only they had
more time.

Simply (Lyrics)

2008-06-16T14:26:00.006-05:00

A soul as free as yours
can never be held down.
A mind so sharp
you never let it out.
The wind in my hair
reminds me of your hands.
The warm summer sun
is the feeling of your love.
I love you on your worst days,
when a cold shoulder
is all that greets me,
As much as your good days
when you can't stop
touching me.
Always quiet
but always caring,
like there are bigger things in life
than our minute disputes.
Their opinions swept away
by your steady faith in me.
A breeze that blows
my cares aside
on my most
untrustworthy days.

Every Day (Poem)

2008-06-12T14:50:00.004-05:00

My teeth hurt
you say "it's over"
and I can't come over
Your feet hurt
I say "can't help you"
but I should've kept you
I've lost
your heart
'cause I couldn't say
I'm sorry.

Mind Games (Poem)

2008-06-12T14:46:00.004-05:00

The way she sugar-coats
every one of her intentions,
spreading butter on ham,
almost takes an intervention.
The wedge between your hearts,
she bruises and manipulates you.
Early dawn sneaks her out,
and her absense only frustrates you.

Unsalable (Lyrics - scrap)

2008-06-11T12:52:00.003-05:00

The train's leaving the station as we speak.
But our lateness brings no consequence
Because the rush hour travel's at it's peak.
Five more minutes standing near our fence.

At the store with our fake grocery sacks
You give a passing smile to the clerk.
I saw her blush before she turned her back,
She looked again and I caught the flirt.

So your handout kisses reveal themselves.
Am I just another packaged food
To be priced and pushed to the far back shelf?
Now expired marked as damaged goods.

Uncommitted (Poem)

2008-06-05T15:08:00.005-05:00

She's cut herself trying to reach you
turned her sides all black and blue
all she wants is you to see her face
you keep running like it's some kind of race

You never let your eyes be seen
It's rare and she thinks you're being mean
Really you don't deserve her love
Too shy to say she's sent from above

Sacrifices are what she's all about
Gives up everything to help you out
You can't even look her in the eyes
So much has gone into your long-toothed lies

On the rooftop at your mom's you told her
You can't come visit this time next winter
Though you thought she'd throw a fit
She just got up and turned and went

The Broken Word Of Love (Poem)

2008-06-05T12:05:00.005-05:00

Rain stirs up our darkest moments.
Again I hear you speak and lecture.
I can't follow your simple movements.
In my thoughts there's one small fracture.

One broken word in a sentence...
I just want to stay away from here,
Though I cannot avoid your presence.
It's your love that I so fear.

Drink Me Away (Poem)

2008-06-03T13:15:00.003-05:00

I looked to you and asked if you need help
If you could only make the sounds
Could form the words to tell me
You want me to fuck off
Still in the brown
All the way down past the bottom
You'll never tell me what you truly think
You'd rather wait for me to fade away.

Let it (Poem)

2008-06-02T15:23:00.003-05:00

Your body is alive
so let it live.
Your heart is on fire
so let it burn.
Your mind is a babe
so let it grow.
Your love wears a smile
Don't let it fade away.

Where's Your Pen? (Poem)

2008-06-02T14:52:00.003-05:00

You're sitting in a room with a single chair
To which you've stayed glued
No matter the temptation
Your stubborn eyes are taken
By the preceived threat to your freedom.

He doesn't see we each have our bottle
It's full of ink so we can write the story
Each our own life
But you stay where you want
And your ink will never touch the paper.

Drunk Love (Poem - scrap)

2008-05-30T12:31:00.004-05:00

He only holds her when he's drunk
When his life's been washed in a brown glass bottle
So he can't see she's filled her trunk
All her things packed with care so they don't rattle
On her trip away from his indifference.

He only tells her of love as he's on the stairs
When his head is hazey and he's shaken
She knows he doesn't really care
'Cause they're engaged in conversation
That twists around a song's last line.

She only sees him when he's not right.
She craves the lies she takes as truths.
He keeps resuming the same old flight.
He's locked himself into the grooves

And keeps riding his trains into the ground.

Stumbling Appologies (Poem)

2008-05-30T12:16:00.004-05:00

My absense greets her face in the evening
And hangs on her shoulders thru early morning
On a wooden seat I rest my conscience for the night
let the glass lead me away from my plight
But soon I'm holding hands with dawn
And strole thru her door falling like a dog
I'm followed by someone's stumbling appologies
She only stares at my own self-fulfilled prophecy
I know I've called it evil before
Still I can't stop going back for more
I've crossed the nation to change this view
Found that it's the same bullshit I've been through

Lonely Drink (Poem)

2008-03-25T16:55:00.003-05:00

The thought of your lip catching mine
like my lip catches the rim of glass
and this drink I'm drinking ran out again
while I'm thinking of you and things I should've asked

Afterlife (Scrap)

2008-03-25T16:53:00.002-05:00

Do you think that where I'm going
is a reflection of where I've been?

I know the truth of what you say
because I've been in the same bed.

I can't stop these tides from changing
Any more than I can stop our aging.

Ropes (Poem Scrap)

2008-03-19T16:54:00.001-05:00

Tangled up in ropes pulling in every direction
Wishing you were here so I could have some more protection
From the loneliness that has become my one affliction
Please undo these tethers so I can fly away with you
I don't care what the others say as I head into your blue
your blue
your blue
eyes

The Late November Tree (Poem)

2008-03-19T16:51:00.008-05:00

Once when I was sitting by the stone
It was like that time you scraped your knee
and we walked with our bikes down to the dam
to stand beneath the willow tree.

But you're not here now
and I won't see your scraped knee
because you won't be coming back
and you won't remember our tree.

When the leaves turn their rusty gold
I'll stare out that broken window
see the lake sparkle in the dim light,
see the ducks eatting down below.

Drove by the corner store late afternoon
on my way to visit friends
and I thought I saw you pumping gas
but it wasn't and this sickness doesn't end.

Your Feeling, The Feeling I Get With You (Poem)

2008-03-19T16:51:00.007-05:00

I was never afraid of committment
and always scared of love
but your fit is perfect
like a well worn handmade glove

I've had my long terms
and they were nothing like this
been around the world with them
but yours is a feeling I know I'd miss.

Never fell in love
this hard
this fast
this reckless

Made mistakes in my past
I've given up my life in love's name
swore off that sacfiice a hundred times
but for you I'd give it all up again.

Blue Bird (Poem)

2008-03-19T16:50:00.004-05:00

You're desperate I know
'Cause I've been there before.
Your next fix, she is miles from here.
Everyone knows.
When you speak, it shows.
Your voice betrays every thought.
Cast off the lines that tie you down.
Give up the lives that've let you down.
Fly away to your deep blue sky.
I knew you'd never stay.
Leave me just standing,
Forever in waiting.
I'll be here 'til you come back home.
When you're done being embarrassed,
And you've nowhere to go
Come back here and drop
a "hello"

Coffee Shops and Keyrings (Lyrics - Complete)

2008-03-19T16:46:00.002-05:00

Woke up this morning
in your soft blue sheets
my keys are on your stand
it was never my place to stay

can't melt this ice around my heart
too many times has it been torn out
no matter how we try
I can't keep it down
all I do is make you frown

this city makes the rain
smell like dirty asphalt
and you keep telling me
that's not your fault
I know it's not your fault

tomorrow you say things get better
tomorrow stays tomorrow
we always have to borrow
the money from your mom
why can't you ever calm down

we go out for coffee
but you get a slushie
so I go alone
I stay until dawn then go home

can't melt this ice around my heart
too many times has it been torn out
no matter how we try
I can't keep it down
all I do is make you frown

I carry the key for you
to turn my heart around
the key, the key you'll never see
'cause you don't seem to turn this way
just teach me what to say

it's stays with me on the ring
the ring where I keep everything
from shitty poems to secret loves
and car starter to silver luck

Crush, you're sick, I know
when you're trying not to show it
I see you're eyes drift awkwardly
All your feelings turned inward from me

You could hold this key to my heart
too many times has it been torn out
no matter what I say
And keys have let me stray
I'll still give it willingly

Say you'll take it
I won't put you off
Say you'll take it
I won't lead you on
Say you'll take it
please say...say

His Lover (Poem - complete)

2006-07-04T20:50:00.000-05:00

my body rented out to him,
a lonely tenant full of lust.
I lent him all the love I had,
but now he's all but lost my trust.
a fallen angel in my eyes...
broken, bruised, and raped, I lie
with tears drawn down my face
on the floor looking high
at the ceiling's cracks and stains,
thinking, longing for the day
that he'll finally set me free.
when he might wake up and say
he's sorry for all he's done to me.
He'll tell me that he loves me
and we'll live happily,
until then I'll just cry and say,
our love was meant to be,
trusting he won't fly away,
I'll love him anyway.

Wish to Run (Poem - Complete)

2005-10-13T23:45:00.001-05:00

I'm so scared of this
I think I'll leave.
I'm so scared of you
How can I breathe?

If I don't seem to be
Where I said I'd be
Please don't come'n look for me
I'll be back someday.
I'll be back someday,
Just wait and see.

Richard (complete)

2005-04-21T22:12:00.001-05:00

I met a man my last day at work. I had actually been waiting for one of my coffee shop regulars to come in so that I had someone to talk with, but none of them ever got around to seeing me. Who did come in, was next month's artist. He introduced himself as Richard Montabault, whose name I recognized right away because he was the best artist we displayed there. I always looked forward to the months when I knew he'd have his work hanging on our walls.

This time, he said he'd tried something new. He pulled out a few abstract pieces, which I really liked. He said he'd done them on 8.5 by 11 sheets of paper with Crayola markers... It had only cost him two dollars to have them blown up to as big as they were, and he was selling them for a lot more. His hair was white, medium length, and everywhere. He had a bit of a tummy, and also a beard. he wore his glasses down a ways on his nose and his fingernails were dirty. His skin looked like tissue paper over the protruding veins in his hands.

He was pleased to have a young person to talk to, he really did love to talk. Every artist I had met in the coffee shop had loved to talk. He had some really interesting and thought provoking philosophies that I now wish I could recall. He spoke of miracles being everywhere. When you noticed the wind in your hair, he said that was a miracle. He thought that if there was an afterlife, it would have to be like this, because he could think of nowhere better to be. He didn't like abortion, and he didn't like condoms or birth control pills either, he thought they were the same concept... the prevention of life, which, in his mind, was simply awful idea. He'd done a lot of things in his life, and I couldn't understand how someone could do so much. He'd been an interior decorator, an architect, landscapist, he'd built models for many of the buildings in Chicago, he was a painter, sculptor, he'd been in the army or navy (which, I can't remember) and done so many more things that I can't recall. I wish I would have talked to him again someday.

He was amazingly energetic and original. I watched him walk about the room as he hung pictures and talked, I couldn't think of anything to say, he always had something new to talk about. I felt a little dumb, forgetting how to say anything other than "yeah" or something along those lines. And when he finally left I felt frustration boiling up inside me. I hadn't really listened to him. My mind had been too busy trying to stay awake to listen to everything he had to say. I sighed. There was nothing to do about it now... He'd already left, and I wasn't going to be back to the coffee shop for a long while after that. I probably won't ever see him again.

The Goddess Awakened (complete)

2005-04-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

The idea of emotional pain, somewhat elludes me as of late. I cannot comprehend what could possess someone to dwell on such an unimportant, and even imaginary concept. Staring off at the night sky, feeling sorry for themselves... where will that get them? The dreamers are not going anywhere if all they do is dream. They have to start doing something to move themselves forward. Dwelling on failure keeps them away from their freedom, and oh so easily obtainable salvation. They are the only ones who can deliver themselves into the arms of happiness and contentment. And yet they sit in their mindless oblivion, sometimes wishing only to hurt more... What a sorry people they are indeed, to sit amongst themselves and never see the beauty of each other or what they all could be. Occasionally, one wakes up from his seemingly endless slumber of sadness. He blinks, looking at the world in wonder, but it overwhelms him so. He cannot understand, cannot bear all the chaos that comes tumbling into his world, and inevitibly, falls back to sleep for a while longer. He might pass in and out of consciousness at times after this awakening, but he will never be as much as he was meant to be. It takes a truly beautiful being to understand the world outside the pain. After living in it, breathing it, drinking it day in and day out, pain becomes the norm for them. Happiness is their pain, that sharp feeling that jabs them in the stomach, catching them off-guard. Unlike you and myself, they see happiness as a threat. To understand that not all the rest of life is sadness... that it should be enjoyed and not feared... oh what a miracle it is. When one is truly awakened and sees things clearly, the world can be anything he makes it to be. Unfortunately, few have realized their potential, and much of the world is still asleep and in pain, lost to us all. They cannnot escape their sadness and self pitty. I pray for them as I pray for myself. ..and I never pray.

Being Alive (complete)

2005-04-04T09:38:00.001-05:00

the glass table, with its burnt tint, stands solidly among the fake flowers and overly stuffed furniture in the hotel lobby. the two chairs, with their unattractive checkered fabric, matched the mauve floral print of the sofa terribly, and stands in awful contrast against the deep green and hunter orange of the carpet. the fireplace stares out from the wall boldly, with its wood paneling clinging at both its sides, as if it were absolutely terrified.

I can hear the desk clerk behind me at a table, chatting away on her cellphone with her West Virginian accent, apparently to some poor soul in tech support at gateway. however, nothing in the area concerned me so much as the coffee table, with its glass top and umber tint. it seemed out of place in the mismatched room, slightly more sophisticated than its surroundings. and as I placed my glasses gently upon its smooth top, i heard a soft, yet very distinct, and ever so elegant pair of 'taps.' the whole of the frames now rested on the table's flawless surface, and at this I let out an almost audible sigh. as if the simple action of surrendering my glasses to such a domestic structure had been the single most interesting thing in my entire life, and all the world's secrets had been effortlessly revealed in doing so.

I sat then, staring, transfixed on the table. I was so amazed with every little detail, infatuated with it. I saw it all, everything. there were so many colors in the wood grain, so many different hues in the glass... I realized at one point, that I no longer heard the woman behind me. she had stopped talking some time ago, and had since gone out of sight. I went to push my glasses up before remembering they remained on the table in front of me. I checked the time, 245 am, collected my glasses and headed back upstairs to the room.

Malcontentment (Poem - complete)

2004-06-30T20:49:00.000-05:00

it falls from trees in november...
through sighs it walks at night
like powder blowing in the wind
as the people all take flight.

it steps on stones... one, then two,
while fear and longing, both the same,
pause to stare at stone,
and contribute to its awful game.

the crows follow it to snow as
it gathers up it's souls to feed.
and as it lingers in the marsh
to dance an old king's greed.

You're Killing Me (Poem - complete)

2004-06-02T20:48:00.000-05:00

I can't keep you satisfied
in anything you do.
I'm sorry, your dreams,
they just aren't coming true.

why's everything I do so wrong?
and I can't seem to make it right.
all we ever do is say 'I love you'
then move on to fight

did you hurt me much tonight?
please don't ask me that.
you see I feel much like
I've been beaten with a bat.

Mother (Poem - complete)

2003-05-16T20:48:00.000-05:00

echoes heard in halls long dead,
and footsteps pass through pages read
with grief.
a toast to my mind long since lost
paid with life, the highest cost.

I revel deeply in my pain,
drink it up like so much rain
in sadness.
she said to me, worry not you hear?
but she never saw my fears.

I hate her so but will not curse
her name, save of course in verse,
as here.
her undeveloped mind... my anger brews,
and I cannot stand these awful hues.

will she never understand
what it means to wave a hand
in my direction?
still thinks she's young and full of fun.
no, she makes me want to run.

she's dead.

Dying Song (Lyrics - complete)

2003-05-13T20:47:00.000-05:00

I'm gonna walk all day long
and sing my awful Dying Song
throw all these photos at the river
throw a stick and get a sliver
call it love and walk away.

I Don't Know (Poem - complete)

2003-04-04T20:45:00.001-06:00

she used to think 'lifes' a pear'
she could be anywhere
or anyone
having fun
look back into the mirror
sees herself standing there
she's not dead
she's not dead
that's what she said to me

Lovesong (Lyrics - complete)

2003-04-04T20:44:00.000-06:00

a bright new day
of life's new essence
and love's soft poetry,
floats down from high,
somewhere secret,
where the sun resides.
in my eyes you see
my heart,
as only you may see it,
and in my voice you
hear my soul,
my touch, the whole...
and you may think me
beautiful.
but I tell you, love
you're more
wonderful than I.
so speak of
anything you like,
of love of hurt of life,
and I will all too
gladly gaze,
with eyes transfixed,
at the beauty that is you,
as we listen to love's
sweet song of happiness,
heard by just a few.

Love (Poem - complete)

2003-04-01T20:44:00.000-06:00

The birches,
river birches,
cedars and pines
stand and whisper at the grey poplar
across the black river of pavement
which separates the two groupings of trees.
Love falls from someone's life,
blows to the ground,
and over the river
into the ditch,
a leaf,
to join countless others like itself
at the forest's edge.
Above,
power lines hiss and sneer
as dry and bitter grass contributes to its threat
with it's own whispers
and promises of death.
Lost in thought
a girl walks atop the river
remembering a boy of long ago
and when he taught her how to love
but also how to hate
and forgiveness without end.
She sees the trees
and knows their words.
She hears the lines and grass,
aware of all their thoughts.
She feels the leaf fall down
and tastes the death of thousands.
At last
she sees the world's full beauty.
The fact that death
still lives
and breathes
is what gives her strength today.

My Shapeless Poem - There It Is Part II (Poem - complete)

2003-03-06T20:42:00.000-06:00

when I listen to the rain
I hear the voices of myself.
all my pain, my desires,
seeps through the walls within
that keep my mind closed tight.

when I let the rain
come over me,
I know just what to be,
where to go and what to do.
I'll come back to you

There It Is Part I (Poem - scrap)

2003-03-06T20:40:00.001-06:00

when I listen to the rain
I hear the voices of myself.
all my pain and desire
seeps through the barriers,
which my mind has raised
through the years.
when I let the rain
come over me,
I feel my very soul,
who I am,
and I know what I should be
and where to go and
what to do.
I'll come back to you.

Despair (Poem - complete)

2003-03-05T20:39:00.000-06:00

the rain drips down like lead
onto the empty window pain
where I once kept my ivy.
she wilted long ago
with the warm summer sun,
a dappled glowing beauty.
she died.

Always Forever (Lyrics - complete)

2003-03-05T20:37:00.001-06:00

said you'd love me always, forever,
you don't love me anymore.
said you'd be here for all of time,
well, you've walked right out that door.

I'm so sorry we aren't the same now.
I'm so sorry I wouldn't change.
but you know we'd never be happy
because I'm always someone else.

you want someone who I can't be,
well I'm not her this time you see.
you want a girl who just can't dream,
guess you're not the one for me.

said I'd love you always, forever,
I don't love you anymore.
said I'd be here for all of time,
now we've evened up the score.

Home (Poem - complete)

2003-03-04T20:35:00.000-06:00

small flowing thoughts
dripping lazy words
of long and drawn out cares.

I float and weave between
the worlds I see today
as I walk along my path
which I tend to walk all day,
listening to music
that only I can hear.

I watch it like a movie,
the world and all its people.

I watch in fascination
wrapped in interest,
as an upbeat cosmic tune
keeps running through my mind.

I smile with a joy
they'll never know,
a love they'll never hold.

I see them all in slow motion
as they rush off
to wherever they may be from;
it's different every day.

and I'm still stuck
stumbling through a dream,
which isn't bad by any means,
but the very happiest thing
I can think of at the time.

the feelings of imperfection
all left behind and faded
since I've crawled in here.

my home,
myself.

By Smiling At Me (Poem - complete)

2003-03-03T20:31:00.000-06:00

love so sweet
a happy thought
strewn about a day
with smiles so large
and perfect.

love so rough
random ecstacy
floating through a cloud
of laughter
filled with singing
hopefulness.

all by simply smiling
simply staying, being,
singing.

(Silence) (Poem - complete)

2003-03-02T20:30:00.000-06:00

snuggled up corn puff,
dark grey cedar drinks;
loves of old, withered skies;
Vegas lights of stars;
night-time downloads
and cafe lattes of
paint and sweat;
feverish chunks of tiger
smythe with tea leaves
and Basil, the mouse;
a toonful of fiery nails;
deep in mellow yellow thought;
java talks of wishing wells,
but there's no sense of rhythm;
to think:
(...silence...)
and to think again of shining,
metallic, pinching blue lives;
where are the little things?
those things that make life
worth living...
little crawly things glowing;
black, artful evenings;
e-shirts and a-marts full of
never-ending rhuses ready for
distant planting;
a hill of angry children,
all with heated shoes;
to think:
(...silence...)

Hate This Face (Lyrics)

2003-03-02T20:28:00.005-06:00

dream sweet dreamer
dream away
all your sorrows from all your days..

there's nothing left for me here today
so I guess I'll just be on my way
didn't really wanna ever stay with you
yeah, you make me sad, you make be blue
I gave you everything I ever had in life.
a beautiful flower, a beautiful wife
but you threw it all back in my face tonight
ruined everything in one big fight

and I don't ever ever wanna see you again
don't wanna see you again
but I see you again
don't ever ever wanna see you again
don't wanna see you again
but I see you again

you're like a drug to me and I have no brains
and then I feel you through your cotton Haines
I wanna smash my fist right through your nose
but I guess I won't, I'll just strike a pose
you never really loved me for who I am
and I know you could never understand
so I'll take it all down
and move without a sound

and I don't ever ever wanna see you again
don't wanna see you again
but I see you again
don't ever ever wanna see you again
don't wanna see you again
but I see you again...

I'm just a dreamer...still she sings the same old song

Silent Rave (Poem - complete)

2003-02-12T20:25:00.000-06:00

wasting all this time
but everything is fine
no one knows my name
or even that I came
this party's lost its flavor
and I'm my own worst savior
delivering the truth
being blunt and rude
feeling numb but rushed
everything is hushed
the pumping music calms
I look down to my palms
knowing it's still playing
but I can't hear you saying
are you okay?
come back another day?
it all slows down deep
and I see them sweep
in and out of crowds
like wispy windblown clouds
the world turns upside down
I can't remember much
even what I've touched
I don't feel
don't hear
dizzy spinning down and up
I stand still holding two red cups
I swear I'm floating high
I seem to've lost my thighs
where's my lighter?
I hear a flutter
colors mix and blend
but black is all that mends
it swirls in until I'm down
and now all I see's the ground

Neverstar (Lyrics - complete)

2003-02-02T20:26:00.000-06:00

song of a neverstar
she came from broken dreams
and carries scars.
she swims on summer nights,
and flies through thoughts untold,
but doesn't even care.

song of a neverstar
lost in all her fears,
looking down the road
hoping everything's okay,
wishing she could stay.

song of a neverstar
she married love's first kiss,
then up and left.
packed her things
and ran away.
never really wanting this;
having nothing left to say

song of a neverstar
who does she want to be?
Walk out blind and step in tar
she knows she cannot live like this
stuck in places she hates so much
laughter fades from memory
she shies away from every touch

song of a neverstar
old and dying all the time,
she didn't ever get that far.
now it's over,
done and gone.
the dream of life is swept aside.
still she sings the same old song.

Goodbye (Poem - complete)

2003-01-02T20:22:00.001-06:00

once again
I hide my pain
I hide my love
once again
I hide the same
I hide from friends
once again
I hide a game
I hide a song
once again
I hide a stain
I hide a loss
once again
I'm gone

all your work is lost
all your work is cast aside
all your pain
all your love
all your reason
thrown away
to never see the light of day
look again dear beauty
look and see your work
underneath the trees and sky
right beside my closed up book
I give goodbye back to the world

Bottled Tears (Poem - complete)

2003-01-02T20:20:00.000-06:00

I wanna put love's tears in a bottle
but love won't cry for me
I wanna put away my anger
but I can't seem to set it free

I'd like to give my soul a rest
though I lack the proper bed
I'd like to let my body heal
lay down my sorry head

I wish that I could fly away
but there's nowhere left to be
I wish that I could save myself
but I just don't have it in me

Memories (Poem - complete)

2003-01-02T20:18:00.000-06:00

memories
that fall like leaves
they're only facts
about my past
easy to forget
easy to forgive
nothing lost
winter's frost
and nothing gained
just more pain

memories
that fall from trees
of star-crossed
love affairs
and long strands of hair
an icy breath
and you've already left
gone away
far away
to the sky
to the sea

memories
that fall so slow
brown and gold
a tale that's told
dull and faded
and oh so jaded
see my shadow
rivers flow weak
dried and drained
lost and pained
a soul
without a goal

ghosts of memories
fall short

I Need More Pain Than This To Cry (Poem - complete)

2002-11-02T20:16:00.000-06:00

I stand here dying
never one for crying
forgive me if I sound weak
I'm feeling so very meek
there's nothing left to say
there's nothing left to feel
you've left me here for dead
so I'll sit and droop my head
you're gone from here
your words, they still sear
where am I to go?
who am I to be?
wish you were here to give me pain
but you say it's not the same
whose life will I now breathe?
asked you not to leave
begged you not to go
but still you hurt me so
give me more, it's not enough
you think I'm not that tough
I'm holding on, I'm clinging
because still I here you singing
if you want to let me go
I'll have to let you go
I can't do it on my own
I have to be thrown
hit me hard so I can hate
throw me from this awful state
I'll wait forever here for you
there's nothing left for me to do
give me pain to push away
I'll let this much linger, stay
but give me more and I will run
don't have to worry, it'll be fun
you'll be rid of me for good
if I only ever could
learn to love no more
that would even up the score
teach me how to stop this feeling
I can feel my skin, it's pealing
shedding fast and quick
someone beat me with a stick
give me more so I can cry
let me let you go
help me let you go

First Love (Poem - complete)

2002-11-02T20:15:00.000-06:00

I used to wish
used to want and wonder
what it's like to kiss
make a heart grow fonder
fall so deep so fast
keep joy locked in a jar
even if it wouldn't last
bring back something from afar
didn't care
about all that hidden pain
wished to share
didn't think to really gain
now I wish that I were you
loved and fallen short
changed to different hue
given up the court
you don't hang on to me
like I still cling to you
and all you mean to me
I never lost my love for you

When She Falls In Love (Poem - complete)

2002-08-02T20:13:00.000-05:00

if she falls in love again
it will be with another man
not the same one it was before
not at all the same old chore

love always comes so easy to her
like a warm and lovely mink fur
wrapping up and pulling in
it'll start before it begins

falling to her dark delight
this love it feels so right
what does she learn from love?
that it's a trained flighted dove

flies away but comes right back
feed it seed, it won't turn black
not like hearts that start out bright
then later change to different light

if she falls in love tonight
she will fall to single sight
the lack of sight that is the blind
she'll stumble sure, and lose her mind

where is love? she'll ask once more
and he'll come knocking at her door
a winged man with eyes like clouds
hair that's dark and no more shrouds

touch her face and feel her hand
walk on beaches and play in sand
throwing love around like air
throwing it without a care

if she falls in love right now
would she want to know how?
would she care to wonder why?
will she want to say good bye?

when she falls in love with him
she will not know a single limb
she will forget all spoken word
and want to fly away, a bird

somewhat scared, somewhat lost
somewhat scattered, someone's cost
too high, too low
where is she to go?

when she falls in love tonight

The Other Kind of Pain - A Butchered Love Poem (Poem - complete)

2002-08-02T20:07:00.000-05:00

my mind's slipping far away
someone reach for me
anyone, please save me
so lost and alone
there's nothing left again
I say my silent prayer
I wish I had a memory
a teardrop sigh

is it real to me?
am I real to you?
reaching for the sky
looking for a star
finding only black
where are all the lights?
is it really there?
can anyone see them?

silent birds fly past
one follows slow behind
what's his name?
do I know his pain?
try to think of lives
try to see the way
I reach my hand to him
but it melts away to fog

back here again
I couldn't fly
so sadly, what am I?
a teardrop lie
am I real?

It's too much for me
I can't take it all in
it doesn't feel real
like drowning slowly
without reason
without feeling

am I real anymore?
was I ever truly here?
I can't take another day
I've had enough of this
falling in and out
between and through
someone please
end it all

scattered shards
of broken mirrors
I see the faces on the ground
are they mine?
are they yours?
what am I?

a criminal kind of love
the cheap brand of feeling
a sigh of want
makeshift hope
that isn't real

sadness falling
flowing fading lights
at the surface of the sea
can't anyone see me?
am I real?
can someone please explain?
what am I?
what am I?

no form
no pattern
no rules to follow
lost in worlds of ice
and fog
that swims and folds
and casts away that awful life
my own life fades
I'm leaving here
going somewhere else
away from you

I'm leaving you
where am I?
is this real?
is it ever?
not sure what I should feel
I've taken enough
is this real?
are you real?
have I already left?
how long ago?
I feel a certain theft
my heart is gone

Regrets (Poem - complete)

2002-08-02T20:04:00.001-05:00

angels fall from newborn clouds
and all I hear are muffled sounds.
sweetness drinks an awful pain
and in the end there is no gain.
flying past the gray of trees
over mountains and through the seas
ancient tongues speak through ache
and I give up for my own sake.
no one else can  comfort here
and in this heat it'd only sear.
wrapped up in loneliness and gone
trying to recall a happy song
but love will never forget
love only brings regret.

Here (Poem - complete)

2002-08-02T20:02:00.000-05:00

wishing,
walking,
sighing,
frowning

ripping,
tearing,
screaming,
crying

wanting,
loving,
having,
losing

living,
standing,
sharing,
dying

Locked Up Anger (Poem - complete)

2002-06-02T19:51:00.001-05:00

fighting fire deep inside
always run away and hide
never let the heat divide
never shout and forfeit pride

all the light and dark of day
is there anything to say?
and so finally I give way
a fiery dawn of day

save me from the shining anger
I'll turn and bite a friendly finger
choke you with a broken hanger
help me with this raging anger

someone please set me free
I know that I can always be
something so much more than she
who lives away from all of me

Dreams (Lyrics - complete)

2002-06-02T19:44:00.000-05:00

when I see your face I know
that I will never let you go
but I can't be the one you love
wish that I was who you loved

I know there're things I cannot see
though I wish that I could be
your shining star in the sky
and you'd never wonder why

I've dreamed a million dreams before
but always dying more and more
you're the dream I'm dying for
the love I'd like to know

you never let me touch you
never let me have my view
of a life with greater happiness
of one without the sadness

my heart is filled with want and pain
when you look at me I'm slain
wish that I could melt you down
wish that I could melt you down

I've dreamed a million dreams before
but always dying all the more
you're the dream I'm dying for
the love I'd like to know

you're the ocean, I drown in you
but there's nothing I can do
I can't seem to catch my breath
only want and welcome death

you look with love but never care
so often you only stare
will you ever want me back?
am I doomed to run off track?

I've dreamed a million dreams before
but always dying more and more
you're the dream I'm dying for
I can't deny my love for you
will you ever love me too?

Loving You (Poem - complete)

2002-06-02T19:42:00.000-05:00

seven thousand times
you said the name I knew
seven thousand times
you made the bed anew

I've always hated what I was
and wished the rain would come
wash away the grimy fuzz
maybe I could be the one

I thought we were a little  more
I thought you loved me true
like the time  you came before
and slit a certain view

seven thousand times
you said my name so blue
seven thousand times
you killed my light anew

why don't you come around
and speak so easy like we did
you only drive me to the ground
you treat me like a kid

now you're silence living here
a walking grey on blue
never see nor taste nor hear
I try to change your hue

seven thousand times
you've always missed your cue
seven thousand times
I tasted blood anew

Night Ocean (Poem - complete)

2002-06-02T19:40:00.000-05:00

stars and sand and sea
and black and blue will be
the colors of the sight
which give that certain light
that we use to cleanse the soul
of love and hate and whole
the ivy ferns and grass
and stone and jeweled glass
shine and shimmer in the sky
for some small child to wonder why
all we do is stare
and give defiant glares
we owe it to ourselves
to dust our splintered shelves
which we used to hold our pain
even though it's just a game
the water comes and goes
brings thoughts and flows
dark and shrouded turquoise
laps while trees stand poised
salt and wind and wet
dance after sunset